A Baby and A Badass
by damngators
Summary: I knew I wasn't really parent material, I mean I laced our bake-sale brownies with pot and tried to get Quinn to name our baby Jackie Daniels. So maybe I wasn't ready to be a daddy, but I could be one hell of an uncle. Companion piece to YCBMU


**AN: So I started out with the intention of this just being a one-shot but I think I will end up expanding this into a series of Puck/Jude bonding moments. This is for RebelInNeedOfACause who requested some Puck/Jude awesomeness! I hope you like it and there will be more to come. Peace out!**

I was totally not a mushy guy. Anybody who even thought so would have an unfortunate meeting with my fist. I had a rep to keep up with, you know?

But for some reason, whenever I was around Hummel's kid, I didn't give a damn about what anyone thought. I'd missed out on the chance to be a father to my own daughter and that sucked. I didn't try to keep her or convince Quinn to do the whole teen-mom thing and maybe get a chance to see my kid occasionally.

I knew I wasn't really parent material, I mean I laced our bake-sale brownies with pot and tried to get Quinn to name our baby Jackie Daniels. I wasn't ready to be a full-time dad and I'm probably still not right now.

Anyways, that's not the point. The point is Hummel's kid. There was something about him that made me want to be there. It wasn't pity cause he was mute, cause, really, it's not like babies really say much for the first few years anyways.

So maybe I wasn't ready to be a daddy, but I could be one hell of an uncle.

)

I made my way into the repair shop like I'd been coming there all my life. Some of the guys standing around working on cars gave me funny looks but I didn't care. I wasn't there to see them.

"Sup, Hummel," I said when I spotted him in the back corner of the shop. He was singing one of those show songs or whatever and rebuilding a carburetor. Weirdest combo of sound and image ever.

"Noah, what are you doing here?" He looked at me like he was surprised but I knew he wasn't. We may not have been butt buddies—and no, that wasn't a gay joke—but we'd been talking some lately. Well, he'd been talking to me, mostly. Kid loved to talk and I didn't understand half of what he was saying to me most of the time, but the gist of it was, he put all that crap between us behind him and I should do the same.

I kinda wish I didn't care still, cause then I wouldn't feel bad about the stuff I did to him, but I do. It freaking sucks.

"I brought those books for you," I said tossing a WalMart sack onto the floor by his feet. "_Beginner's Guide to American Sign Language _is a good one to start with. I might have a couple more when you're done with those."

"Thank you, Noah," he said quietly and I could tell he was trying not to cry. I really hoped he didn't start, cause I wasn't all that comfortable with crying dudes, no matter if Hummel did kinda look like a chick.

"Yeah, no problem, man," I said as I looked anywhere but at him. I knew the routine: he'd get teary for a second and then act like nothing happened and until then I would look anywhere but at him.

I noticed a basket thing by the wall and realized it had something moving in it. I walked over just to see what it was and I couldn't believe what I saw.

"Dude! You brought your baby to work with you?" I yelled at him. The kid started thrashing around then and I realized that I probably shouldn't yell so loud around it.

"Dammit, Puck," he swore. Yeah, when he was pissed at me it was Puck, but any other time, it was Noah. I don't know why I let him get away with it, but I did.

He was trying to get the crap of his hands and the basket thingy was shaking now. Man, that kid could throw a fit. I snorted, thinking_ like father, like son_.

"Arrrggh! It's not coming off!" He swore again, and it sounded so weird to hear those words come outta his mouth. "Can you get him, please? Before he tips his bassinet in a fit rage."

I wasn't expecting that. It wasn't like I'd never held a baby before. I'd held Beth in the hospital for a minute before they took her away, but this one was pissed off and moving. A lot.

I moved over to his basket and looked down at him. He was so damn little.

"Hey, little dude. You wanna get out of there?" I smiled at him and his arms stopped flailing, but then I swear to God he gave me Hummel's _bitch-please _look. It threw me for a minute and that was long enough for the thrashing to start again.

"Okay, okay," I muttered, lifting him up. I was surprised Hummel didn't have him dressed up in some fancy costume for babies, but he was in just a shirt and shorts set with the tiniest socks I'd ever seen, all green and yellow stripes.

"Make sure and support his head."

"I know," I snapped. This was weird. He'd stopped crying as soon as I picked him up so I held him for a minute and before laying him back down. As soon as his back hit the pad, his little face scrunched up and the kicking and arm waving started again.

"Shit," I grumbled, picking him up again. "So why is he here? Shouldn't he be at a babysitter's or something?"

"None of the daycares around here will take a child under eight weeks old, but I have to work my shift so this is what I'm doing." Hummel was still trying to scrub the grease off his hands but wasn't having much luck.

"What about Mrs. H? Or Finn? It's not like he's doing anything now that schools out." I was now getting double whammied with the bitch glare.

"Carole is working at the hospital today and Finn, really? I don't trust Finn with a goldfish, much less a baby completely unsupervised."

I snorted at that. He did have a point. Finn was my boy—well, he _was_ before I knocked up his old lady—but he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

Jude started squirming in my arms.

"Is he hungry?" I didn't know what the hell I was doing really, but I didn't want the kid to wiggle out of my grip.

"Shouldn't be. Check his diaper," he said distractedly.

"What?" Oh, hell, no. The Puckasaurus did not do diaper changes.

"Just sniff his bottom and see if he smells dirty." Hummel was looking at me like I shouldn't find that gross. Yeah, definitely not ready to be a full-time dad. But I lifted the little guy in the air and stuck my nose to his butt which was probably the weirdest thing I'd ever done. This whole day was just warping my mind.

"Nah, smells like that perfume my little sis uses," I told him. He smirked at me. "What? She practically bathes in the stuff."

I looked at the kid for another minute. "Maybe he'd bored. Needs a change of scenery."

"He's been in a uterus for the last nine months," Hummel scoffed. "The entire outside world is a change of scenery for him."

"Whatever," I grumbled. "We're going for a walk."

"What!" Hummel squeaked. And I mean that, his voice went so high it actually squeaked. It was kinda hilarious.

"I'm taking little dude here for a walk. Kids need fresh air and sunshine and shit, right?"

He gave me one of those hard looks again, like he was trying to do some Jedi mind shit on me or something. Then he just smirked.

"Okay. Stroller is behind the bassinet; keep the shade up so he doesn't get too much sun. And watch your language around my son, he may only be two weeks old but he's still doesn't need to hear it."

"Yeah, sure," I mumbled. I was pretty sure someone had put the damn stroller together wrong cause I couldn't get it open. Hummel appeared out of nowhere and I jumped. He was like a freaking ninja or something. He raised his eyebrow at me but didn't say anything, which was good cause I'd have….done….something. Yeah. Anyways.

"There," he said pushing a button on the handle and making the things unfold. He pushed another couple of levers and it was ready to go. "Just don't hit this switch," he said pointing to a red trigger on the bar. "I may have to kill you if you fold my son inside his stroller."

"No Jude-stroller-sandwich. Gotcha." I set the kid in the seat and buckled him in. As soon as I moved my hands, though, he fell over to the side.

Hummel just rolled his eyes and messed with the levers on the side again and suddenly Jude was laying back at an angle, looking relaxed. I thought about putting some sunglasses and a ball cap on him. I laughed at the image in my head, then again when I thought about Hummel's reaction if I actually did it.

"_Just chilling with my homies_," I rapped to him. I was hoping for a smile from the kid but all I got was a spit bubble and another bitch glare. "Okay, okay! Let's blow this popsicle stand, little dude!"

"He'll need to eat in about an hour so just come back if he starts to get fussy," Hummel hollered behind me. I waved my hand at him but didn't turn around.

By the time we made it back to the shop, Jude was starting to get worked up. It hadn't been an hour yet but I guess when you're hungry you're hungry.

Hummel was elbow deep in an engine and didn't even notice when we came in. It made me wonder how he did the whole night time feeding thing since the kid couldn't cry.

I spotted what looked like a gym bag next to the bed thing in the corner and figured there was probably a bottle in there somewhere. I found it after a minute and was glad that I didn't have to do anything other than take the cap off it. Hummel must have fixed it after we left earlier. It was still warm.

I lifted the kid from the stroller and realized that his shorts were bulging. Now either this kid was packing some serious junk or he needed a diaper change. I'd helped my mom change my little sister's diapers years ago and figured it couldn't really be that much different now. Just open, wipe, swap and close.

Of course, the kid decided to try and use me for target practice and I almost didn't get the front flap back up in time. I swear he was smirking at me when he did it. He may not have looked all that much like Kurt, but those expressions were all Hummel.

New diaper: check.

Bottle: check.

Now to get this little guy fed before he actually did bitch slap me. Baby nails are sharp and no way did I want to have to explain claw marks on my face.

He inhaled that bottle like he hadn't eaten in days and then let out a burp that made me proud. Course, he hurled some white shit up on my shirt, which was kinda gross but I figured Mom could get it out in the wash.

Little punk fell asleep right after he puked on me, so I put him back in the bed thing. I turned around and Hummel was just right freaking there!

"Jesus, Hummel! Wear a freaking bell," I growled. He just smirked that damn smirk and turned away. I followed him back to the car where he was finishing up.

"Thank you, Noah," he said quietly as he put his tools away.

"Yeah, whatever man," I said staring at the floor. We stood there for a minute just quiet. "You working tomorrow?"

He blinked at me. "Yeah."

"Cool." I didn't say anything else. I wasn't gonna tell him I'd see him then or anything like that, cause who knows what the Puckasaurus will be up to when the day unfolds.

He just nodded at me and I left. Maybe I would come back tomorrow.

Maybe.


End file.
